There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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