i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
