Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
