I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
