it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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