the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
