She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
