Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
