I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
that's an acceptable place to lick
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
