You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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