Your dad touched me again.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
