Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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