I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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