But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
