I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
