doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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