I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
NoShamevember. You game?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
