forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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