Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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