Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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