I think my fart just growled at me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A bitchslap is in order.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
