well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
