Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
