Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
