Your face is a jimmy john
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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