While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
