it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
