Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
