i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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