Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
