are you so shy because you have an std?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
