hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
