I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
