was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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