that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
