Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
