why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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