hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
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"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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