Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i think i just lost a toe
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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