why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
