Yo dont text me then not text me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
