if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
