No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
try to milk me bitch
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