21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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