matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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