Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
