I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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