I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
