You work out of a Hotel?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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