id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
