I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize