If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
