i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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