hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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