yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
