it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
