All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
