So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
