OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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