I'm so fucking centered right now
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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