Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
