i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
