remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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