well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
