He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
