My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
